Here’s one from a few years ago that deserves to be shared again. Check out 2yo Asher who seems convinced that Christmas bulb is a lollipop. HAHAHA!
Some holiday decorations look too good to just hang on the tree or put on your mantle, don’t you agree? I mean, we all know you shouldn’t but here are 8 holiday decorations that look good enough to eat!
1. Colored bulb lights. The green one definitely looks the tastiest. In fact, I kind of want a lick myself right now. Not lick myself. Have a lick myself. You have a dirty and fabulously acrobatic mind.
2. Ornaments. Don’t ya just wanna take a big old bite out of this one like it’s a big old candy apple? Don’t ya wish your ornament was hot like mine? Don’t ya? Don’t ya?
No cats asses were harmed in the taking of this picture.
3. Tinsel. Oh, tinsel is irresistible to the delicate palates of felines. In fact, if you have cats, just forget the decorations altogether. My friend, Allison of Motherhood WTF, had a childhood pet cat who devoured some tinsel only to have it come about halfway out the other end and then stop short. Old tinsel-ass had 5 inches of unbudgeable silver shininess hanging out of her hiney for an entire week. According to Allison, it was the fanciest, most seasonally festive cat ass to ever eat Christmas decorations off a Hannukah bush.
4. Ribbons and bows. Those presents look so festive with all that lovely curly ribbon festooned around the top like a damn Shirley Temple wig. You see curly ribbon, cats see curly fries. As a kid, Anna of My Life and Kids was the proud owner of a 3-legged cat who yummed up some ribbon and (yes, there’s a theme here) when it came out the other end, it changed its mind about halfway through the journey. Worst of all, she kept trying to, uh, ASSist the cat but every time someone tugged on the ribbon, the cat meowed in protest.
5. Holiday-themed soaps. Continuing with the pet theme, Kerri of Housetalkn‘s dog ate a soap Santa and farted bubbles for several days. Who needs a bubble machine when you have a handy dog anus nearby?
6. Snowmen. I’m just itching to pour some neon-colored syrup over that styrofoam and go to town.
7. Gelt. Gelt looks good enough to eat. And it usually is since it’s just gold foil-wrapped chocolate. But taking the foil off first is recommended. My dog didn’t wanna get caught eating all the money so she just swallowed it whole. Of course, she’s not picky about her chocolate. Leave a poopy diaper unattended for 3.2 seconds and you’ll see what I mean. Also don’t write me about how chocolate is bad for dogs. I didn’t give it to her on purpose – she stole that shit.
8. Garland. There’s something about Anna from My Life and Kids that just attracts the wrong kind of pets. In addition to the 3-legged cat above, she had a dog that ate an entire garland of painted wooden balls. When he finally pooped it out, all of the wooden balls were bright white. Like snowballs.
The clear lesson here is that what goes in must come out. At least halfway.
In all seriousness, here are some easy Christmas crafts for kids that are great for teachers or for parents to make with their kids at home. Keep those little ones occupied during the busiest time of the year and get your house decorated all at once!
Reindeer Footprint Christmas Cards, Emma Owl
Snowman Mason Jar Luminary Ornament, Club Chica Circle
Cinnamon Stick Tree Ornament, Consumer Crafts
Cupcake Liner Christmas Tree Ornament, One Perfect Day
Thumbprint String of Lights, Beneath the Rowan Tree
Handprint Christmas Tree Skirt via Pinterest (This is too cute not to include although I can’t find the original source. Look at the photo and you’ll find it easy to copy.)
Lock up your decorations, y’all.
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Making me mighty glad that I only have a fish right now, lol!!
Yeah, stick with that. I doubt your fish will ever poop out tinsel, although it’s a pretty funny thing to imagine.
When I was a kid, we used to have these gingerbread boy ornaments that looked so delectable. I would still probably try to sneak a bite if I could.
Those do sound delicious. Did you thread popcorn on the tree? We tried that one year but ended up with about 3 pieces of popcorn left to thread after eating it.
Oh my gosh – I am dying over here! So funny – and so strangely proud to have two of my pets featured!!
Thanks for sharing your crazy stories with me. I always know yours are gonna make me wet myself. Or should I say poo myself?
I thought the whole point of making holiday soap that looks like candy and placing it artfully in a dish that looks suspiciously like a candy dish was to lure unsuspecting party guests into providing the entertainment.
You may come to my parties any time. Although I fear even more mischief than usual! ; )