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One of my co-authors in the best-selling book “I Still Just Want To Pee Alone” was gracious enough to write a very funny guest post for me. Like me, she likes to write about her husband, so I can only assume he has a sturdy ego like Gabe. Today, she addresses one of the issues all parents face when they have kids. To sex or not to sex? That is the question. And the answer is usually, “Zzzzzzzzzzzz.” Luckily, MacKenzie of Is There Cheese In It has come up with a Sensible Sex Challenge for parents. So much more reasonable than the 30 day sex challenge or the 7 day sex challenge. Read on and accept the challenge. I firmly believe you can do it.

Here is The Sensible Sex Challenge for Parents.

This is how sex in my house usually goes.

I’m going to skip over the parts where we’re so tired we can’t see straight, let along insert tab D into slot V, or we wait for him to be done doing dishes or me to finish folding the laundry, then one of the kids wakes up because they’re SOOOOO THIIIIIIRSTY, and another one wakes up because it’s TOOOOO DAAAAAARK, or Netflix does that thing where it just starts playing the next episode of [insert addictive television show here] and, well, shit, obviously we have to watch it.

I’m talking about once we get down to business. It is GOOD times. Then we usually say something along the lines of, “Wow. That was EXTREMELY fun. Why don’t we do that every single day? Or twice a day?”

Yeah, probably not. If you disturb my slumber in those few precious hours I’m actually asleep at the same time as our children, I may cut off your throbbing manhood. Afternoon delight? Yeah … on the dog blanket from the trunk? Crammed between a couple of car seats? Well, maybe just at night then. You know. With all that energy we have after getting up at o’dark hundred, packing lunches, getting a small herd of cats ready for school, commuting an hour and a half, working 8 or 9 hours, racing home to pick up the kids 17.5 seconds before school closes, preparing dinner (and for the battle that is getting them to EAT dinner), bath time a.k.a. naval warfare, bedtime a.k.a. nightly hostage negotiation…

It’s sad because I actually think I’m hitting my “sexual prime.” I think about and actively desire it in a way that is new this last year or so. I frequently text the hubs around 3 o’clock in the afternoon to share what sort of fun and feisty plans I have for him. But by the time we finally belly-crawl back to the living room after the bedtime blizkreig, all bets are off.

So, anyway, I recently had a birthday, and after a fun date and a rousing tumble in the hay, we decided we should try one of those “sex challenges” you’re always hearing about. Thirty day sex challenge? Um no. Let’s keep it realistic, we said. Something sustainable. Okay. The seven day sex challenge. That we can do. I mean, how hard can it be?

Well, harder than you’d think, in fact.

So after failing at the Seven Day Sex Challenge, I’ve recalibrated my expectations. I know some people say “just do it” even when you don’t feel like it. “Sex is like pizza – even bad pizza/sex is still pretty good.” But I disagree. I’ve had shitty sex AND pizza. I do think that sex is like working out – once you decide to do it, and get into it, you won’t regret it. Also, the more you do it, the more you want to do it. But it only works if I’ve got my head in the game. Or at least it only works for me.

So, without further ado, may I propose to you: The One Day Sex Challenge. Follow the simple steps below. Whenever you’re ready: 1. Have sex. 2. Congratulations. You did it! You win.

Bonus points if you can finagle a back massage or an ice cream sundae out of the deal.

This is a guest post on Toulouse & Tonic by one of my co-authors in the hilarious parenting book, “I STILL Just Want To Pee Alone,” Is There Cheese In It? Check out her blog, visit her on Facebook, and do yourself a favor and get a copy of this book.

After all, so many of you loved “I Just Want To Pee Alone,” you made it into a New York Times Best Seller. I can only assume you’ve been sitting around for the last two years salivating over the idea of a sequel. Well, salivate no more. Or rather, salivate harder. Because it’s here! And there’s cheese in it. 😉

I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is the third installment in the national best-selling series of anthologies published by Throat Punch Media. The previous two have sold over 40,000 copies to date and are both continually ranked in the top 20 of their category on Amazon. And the essays are short enough that you can actually read an entire one during the few moments you can steal alone in the bathroom. Get them for yourself, get them for your girlfriends, get them for your mother – Mother’s Day is coming up and I promise you, the book will bring smiles to all of their faces.