No sooner had I hit “publish” on my Top 10 Sucky Things About Being Pregnant, than more sucky things about being pregnant began to pop into my head.
The main reason I wasn’t able to make it a Top 20 list from the get-go is Reason #11:
11. Brain fog so severe that I’m lucky I can remember the way home. I go into a room to do something and then stand there blinking and wondering what I’m doing there. I’ve gone out to water the garden and then left the hose on for a couple of days no less than 5 times. I had another example just two seconds ago, but it’s gone already.
12. The dropping of things. Oh Lord, at the dropping of things. All those loose joints means nothing will stay in my hand. The keys, my toothbrush, a fork, a credit card…you name it, I’ve dropped it. And to make matters worse, it’s getting pretty difficult to get down there and pick those things back up. In another month, I’m gonna need one of these handy Gopher thingees. 
Or either I’ll just start leaving everything I drop on the floor until either the dogs eat it or my husband comes home to pick it up.
13. Cravings so bad, I sometimes think the baby has control of the steering wheel. I can be halfway past the entrance to a Wendy’s when I spot it and still manage to pull in. And, as I wrote about here, it’s mostly stuff I don’t even normally eat, like junk food. This baby will go into potato chip withdrawal as soon as he exits the womb. I hope they have a special incubator for that.
14. It’s not enough that I already can’t sleep worth shit, and that I pee myself a little every time I sneeze, apparently my bladder has also shrunk to the size of a green pea. I’m out of bed about every 2 hours to go to the bathroom all night long.
15. I am irritable. Oh so irritable. It’s best not to say anything to me at all because even “You look great” sounds like “You look really BIG.” And don’t look at me like that either. I saw you roll your eyes.
16. Anything (other than food) I put in my mouth makes me gag. My toothbrush, pills, even a pen. If I can manage not to think about it, I’m okay, but the second I think about the fact that something is in my mouth, I start to gag. Insert dirty joke here.
17. Not being able to put on my own shoes. Asher was a late summer baby, and if there’s one advantage to that, it’s flip-flops. Boots are currently the bane of my existence.
18. Choosing a name. Why is it so freaking hard for us? It really seems like everyone else has settled on a name before they’re even into maternity clothes. Asher was known as “Baby Boy” in the hospital nursery for 3 days. We finally made a decision only because they told us we couldn’t leave without filling in his birth certificate.
19. Misjudging my size when trying to squeeze by people. Inside my head, I’m still the size I was when I got pregnant. But don’t tell my son’s little classmate’s mom that. I almost knocked her face first into the food table last week at his Christmas celebration.
20. Not being able to drink lovely things like wine, beer and vodka. And tequila. I can’t believe I left this one off the first list. I endured an entire football season with not even a hint of a buzz, and moreover, I did this while watching my husband make up the difference for me. My message to him: there better be a really good bottle of champagne chilling in an ice bucket beside my delivery room bed. The next sound I hear after a baby crying better be a cork popping.
#12 is a nightmare. I drop everything. I hated “liking” your post. 🙂
When will the brain fog go away? When they’re 24?
I was hopeful when I hit the 4-year mark (for no good reason, of course). But then I got pregnant again…
What was I saying?
Oh. My. God. All of this. Pregnancy is stupid.
I especially agree with #19. I was as big as a house as soon as I hit 7 1/2 months with my daughter and I still assumed that I could just slink through crowds unnoticed and without crashing into things
Tell me about it. New year’s eve was particularly dangerous for all the drinkers who unexpectedly were sent reeling by my giant belly. It was the first time during this pregnancy that I realized I absolutely cannot go to crowded places anymore. All movement was pure torture!
Cravings that you can not indulge because your gall bladder will try to kill you if you eat curly fries.
UGH, filled out the form fields to submit this comment and forgot the hilarious thing I had to say.
FINALLY finding a comfortable position to sleep in, then needing to pee, then returning to bed, same position is like laying on solid concrete, spending twenty minutes getting comfortable (with your darling husband half awake asking why you are moving so much), finding, amazingly, the exact same comfortable position, only to have your husband decide that this is the time to snuggle, when his body tempurature is roughly the same as the sun, and your sweet little bundle of joy decides that he’s NOT going to be laying on that side, and will continue to kick until you finally move to the far less comfortable position that you usually take. Repeat all night, get roughly 17 seconds of sleep, and have your husband ask why you are so snippy with your two year old te next day, and why the housework hasn’t been done all week, since you normally do it during naptime. Try not to kill your husband, he needs to drive you to the hospital in a few weeks.