Hey, you! Stop picking through the sad remains of Mother’s Day cards in Target. Step away from the awful, already wilting bouquet of mixed blooms in Publix. And for God’s sake, don’t even think about letting Jane Seymour talk you into buying that godawful open hearts necklace for her.
Because today, I’m letting you in on a little secret about what moms really want for Mother’s Day. Their true heart’s desire…the way to make your wife the happiest she can possibly be on HER day…is to pack up those kids and take them somewhere for the weekend. Or at the very least, for the afternoon.
Yes, it’s true. What she wants most on Mother’s Day is a break from being a mother.
Your wife may not feel comfortable telling you this, so I will.
Let’s use my husband as an illustration.
I woke up the Thursday before Valentine’s Day to a note that said, “Happy Valentine’s Day. Your to-do list for today: pack bags for the kids because I’m taking them to my parents for the weekend!”
It’s important to remember, dads, that YOU must go too. I’m sure you’re thinking, “WHAT? She just wants a break from the kids, not me. She wants to spend some private time with me!”
No. No, she doesn’t.
Think for just a minute about how often your wife, the mother of your children gets to spend alone time in her own house.
Perhaps you can think of a weekend trip she took 2 years ago without the kids? Not the same. We’re talking specifically about time in her own home where she’s not taking care of anyone. And she doesn’t have to do ANYTHING she doesn’t want to do. Not even converse. And she can make a meal out of a carton of ice cream and some wine and go right back to doing nothing in her pajamas. This is her Mother’s Day dream.
Gabe pulled out of the driveway with our 2 kids headed to Florida the Friday before Valentine’s Day and for about 20 minutes, I walked around the house trying to figure out what to do with myself. It’d been at least 2 years since I’d had a weekend alone in my own house. 2 YEARS! I was confused and my body was used to being in perpetual motion. I started a load of laundry. I loaded the dishwasher. And then I thought — WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??!!!
Once I sat down and put my feet up, I realized I was free. Really free. I watched a movie in the middle of the afternoon! And it was a grown-up movie! And I picked it with no input from anyone else! I only paused it when I wanted to pause it! And that was to take a spontaneous nap. Because I COULD!
And they were gone the entire weekend.
Let’s stop a moment while we let the applause for my husband die down.
Waiting.
Still waiting.
Okay, all together now, “What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!”
Here’s my sidebar message to you, the husband (or partners) — it’s important for you to realize that she loves you and the kids more than anything. Truly she does. But if you want to give her what she really wants and deserves on Mother’s Day, pack up those kids! Even if you can’t pull off an entire weekend, you can take them out for a long, extended day at the zoo or to the park and the movies.
Because what she needs the most on Mother’s Day is a break. Not a breakfast in bed then she has to get up and clean the mess everyone made kind of break. A real, no one around to take care of break. A couple of days to remember what it’s like to do what SHE wants to do.
So, yeah. Go ahead and buy that lame Mother’s Day card from Target. It’ll be fine. As long as what you write in it is, “Happy Mother’s Day. We’ll see you on Monday.”
P.S. She also really wants a copy of I Just Want To Pee Alone. Maybe even a signed one. Click here.
P.P.S. If you missed Mother’s day, no worries. This gift is perfect any weekend of the year. And if you give it to her, I bet you get a gift too. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.
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Would love a few hours to just veg out and do nothing. And you said it quite perfectly, but Mother’s Day around here is so the opposite, because of my mom, his mom and oh yeah this year just happens to be my husband’s birthday too (yeah May 12th, is my actual husband’s birthday). I think the god’s conspired against me this year, lol!! Maybe I can get Father’s Day. Oh wait that is everyday!!!
Sounds like you’re gonna be waiting hand and foot on everyone else this mother’s day. God bless you, Janine!
It’s so true! We just want to pee alone…
I’ve never had a problem asking for time off for Mother’s Day, I just never get it. My family obviously hates me, and thinks that by “alone time,” I mean that I want to do the dishes myself.
I think this year, I’m going to suggest a game of hide-and-seek. I’ll have one of my single friends waiting around the corner, and I’ll go hide at her house for the weekend. Nobody will find me there!
My husband knows time alone is my most precious gift. The weekend thing is rare (clearly, I hadn’t had one alone in more than 2 years at least) but he does try to take the kids out for a few hours here and there on a Saturday. Hey, I’ll take what I can get!
I totally agree the best thing a mom can get is some time completely alone!! Each time my husband takes my kids out on the weekend I want to scream for joy!! Does this mean I do not love my husband and kids? Of course not, I adore them more than anything in the world, but I’m still a person and it’s so nice to be reminded of that with a little time alone with someone I don’t get to spend much time with anymore, me! Bravo to your husband and bravo for a great piece!
Yep, somehow it’s easy to forget ourselves in all the chaos, isn’t it?
YES. I concur. This was also on my list of things to get mom of Mother’s Day. Or really, any day. Mother’s Day, her birthday, Christmas, Arbor Day…whatever. She won’t be picky if you’re going to just leave her the fuck alone for a day or two. http://www.realmomofnj.com/2013/05/02/my-top-5-mothers-day-gifts/
I’d take this gift for every single holiday. Even Christmas.
I send my husband and kids to HIS mom’s house for Mother’s Day and sit in a quiet house and read. Ahhhhh!
YES! My problem is that his mom lives 5 hours away so I can’t get the trip every year. But I’ll take what I can get. You enjoy that book!
Totally, best gift ever.
If my husband did this I might actually really and truly want to have sex which is what he really wants for Father’s Day and every day. This may work out perfectly.
hear, hear!!
You hit the nail on the head with that one, although I’m not sure I’d trust my in-laws with out kids for a weekend.
btw…my husband says those open heart necklaces look like ball sacs, so that’s all I can think of when I see those commercials. You’re welcome.
Yes! Yes, yes, and YES!! And if that’s not possible, you give her a day where she does NOTHING. Like, every shitty diaper? That’s yours, hubs. Every snotty nose? All yours, hubs. And then I’ll pay you back on Father’s Day by doing the same.
My boys know that I want good kids for Mother’s Day. This is a wonderful alternative for what is sure to be their failure 10 minutes after waking up on Sunday.
Best advice ever. Now, how to get the husbands and partners of the world to follow it?
Just added you to my Bloglovin’ feed. I’ve been meaning to check you out since I read ‘I Just Want to Pee Alone’ a few weeks ago. I couldn’t put the book down. Hilarious!