On Tuesday, after having some real sour cream and realizing I’d been lying to myself for a decade about the low-fat stuff, I wrote THE TOP LIES WOMEN TELL THEMSELVES.

Now it’s time to turn the tables.

Because men do it too, baby.

So here are The Top 15 Lies Men Tell Themselves.

1. I can totally fix the toilet myself.

2. Buffalo wings are a good source of protein.

3.  I need the Magnum condoms.

4.  I could beat that guy’s ass.

5.  I’m the best sex she’s ever had.

6.  I look just like I did in high school.

7.  She definitely came.  Maybe twice.

8.  This comb-over is fooling everybody.

9.  My old Levis are still in style.

10. I look cool with my baseball cap turned backwards.

11.  This untucked shirt totally hides my beer belly.

12.  I didn’t get screwed by that mechanic.

13.  All lesbians secretly wanna have a threesome with me.

14.  Chicks dig giving blow-jobs.

15.  His girlfriend totally wants me.

You’ll notice that the top 20 lies women tell themselves are disproportionately about things that go into women’s bodies.  And so are the men’s.

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Hey ladies…can I get a virtual high five?  Up high…

And down low…