Easter is coming and I thought you might want to be prepared with some things you can easily blame on the Easter Bunny. Enjoy this throw-back from a few years ago.
1. The death of the Elf on the Shelf. As evidenced by this crazy card created by East Coast Mommy blog, it is entirely possible that your narcissistic Elf on a Shelf was missing the spotlight and tried to elbow his way into yet another holiday, then got into a tragic chimney collision with the Easter Bunny as he was trying to intrude himself upon your life in the off-season. Sadly (happily!), he did not make it out alive and shall not return this year to creepily stare at mom from the cookbook shelf.
2. That the last piece of carrot cake you were supposed to save for the kid is gone and can’t you see that bunny paw print right there in that little bit of smeared icing on the plate?
3. A less than stellar Easter basket brought on by cheapness, last minute-itis or a complete lack of artistic ability. Or all 3. The Easter Bunny doesn’t have an army of elves, btw. There’s only so much he can do.
4. The talking toy that won’t shut up when you turn it to “off” or even when you remove the batteries? The one you smashed last night after 3 glasses of wine because you were sure it was calling you fat? Umm, the Easter Bunny must’ve stepped on that in the dark.
5. Your kids’ ramped up, out of control behavior at the egg hunt.
6. The beef jerky and coconut flakes in her basket instead of candy due to the Easter Bunny’s new Paleo diet. If he has to do it, you have to do it.
7. That terrible smell coming from the bathroom when everyone (else) wakes up.
8. His bad acting in “Rise of the Guardians.”
9. Causing a worldwide basket shortage which explains why the kids’ Easter treats are in a tupperware container and they’ll have to egghunt with a brown paper bag from the grocery store. Not your fault. Not your fault at all.
10. Peeps.
I’ll be using most of these this year. It just seems like a really good opportunity to sweep the house of some things I hate and also to get away with being a cheap, less-than-crafty mom.
I’m sure you can think of a lot more things to blame on the Easter Bunny. Or the Tooth Fairy. Or Santa. Please share them with me. My kid’s in kindergarten and I fear my time to blame imaginary characters for my shortcomings is limited. Gotta get it while I can.
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That’s good stuff! I put her jelly beans one year in a cupcake holder that said “Happy Birthday” on the bottom. She called me on it & I said the bunny must recycle things she has on hand.
Oh my gosh, this entire list was freaking hilarious! And that is a huge compliment coming from me, because when someone has a funny post, I get mad that I didn’t think of it first. 🙂 Seriously, the smashing of the talking toy b/c after 3 glasses of wine, you thought it was calling you fat? And the Paleo diet–and his bad acting in Rise of the Guardians?? I am rolling over here. AWESOME post!!
My kids are 9 and 12. I can’t believe they still believe. I’m about to tell them myself because I’m sick of all the b.s.-hiding the baskets, hiding the eggs, the lying. Trying to explain that it’s really ok that a large stuffed animal comes into our house when we’re all sleeping to leave you a bunch of crap. They’re starting to have logical questions like “Does he have a key? Will you leave the door unlocked? What if a buglar comes instead of the Easter Bunny?” But after reading your post I realize there’s a different angle to all this…I need to use their belief to my advantage. And we never bought a damn elf. So luckily I don’t have to kill him off.
I’m definitely getting mother of the year this year because I took my kid to an Easter egg hunt without an Easter basket and when I got there was like holy f*$%ing shit balls I don’t even have an Easter basket that I forgot to bring and he’s 3 so he probably should have one by now!!! I’ll blame that shit on the Easter bunny because that’s even worse than a cheap basket… on a serious note though, not that I’m going to shove Paleo crap into my kid’s Easter basket, but I am wondering about candy substitutes because what the hell am I going to give him when the shit show that ensues after a few bites of candy is like a horror movie (for me) that ends with the world’s worst headache BEFORE my nightly wine, so what the f is a whole effing basket of candy going to do?? ahhhhhh I can hear myself bitching out my inlaws already for making it two full baskets of candy. Ok, now I’m just rambling… thanks for the tip on blaming all of this on the bunny. PS – Right now, I’m going to blame my rambling on Shiraz that skanky ho…
The bunny deserves it. That. is. all. Ellen
My sister-in-law and I, over the course of a bottle of wine, decided that we hate the Easter Bunny. There, I said it. I feel better. I almost told my children the big secret because I just can’t stand this bizarre tradition.
SOOOOooo funny. Love the one about the basket shortage. I laugh because……
I thought I was ready for Easter but then when I went to get the toys and candy I tucked away weeks ago (to arrange them in a basket and fill the plastic eggs) I couldn’t find them! I looked and looked! Talk about a good hiding spot, I can not remember where I hid them. So I had to make a last minute dash to the store and grab the last few Easter eggs off the bare shelves today. I’m sure it was that damn Easter bunny who found my loot and took the toys. How could I forget my own hiding spot. Couldn’t be mommy brain, oh no,…..must have been the Easter Bunny.