3 Facts About Kids That'll Save You Tons of Money

Allow me to save you some money by giving you the benefit of my financial wisdom after having 2 children. Believe me, I’ve made the mistakes (some of them twice) and my wallet is empty. Here are some ways you can avoid the same mistakes and keep your money for things they’ll actually need.

1. Kids do not like to play with toys. Correction, they like to play with other kids’ toys and they want to play with toys they do not have. But they don’t wanna play with their own toys, even when they have a bedroom and playroom full of them. I had an only child for 4 1/2 years and I thought every new toy he begged for would be the one he’d play with for years, or at least months. The best we ever did? He played with one of them for hours and then asked for another toy advertised on the box the first toy came in. Don’t cave in to the thought that your kids need lots of toys. They don’t. They’re more likely to play with your pots and pans, the cardboard box the toy came in or your makeup if they can get to it (it makes great finger paints, don’t ya know?). Save your money for something you’ll need. Lots of lots of therapy eventually – for them and you.

2. Kids’ clothes and all the other crap they need. When I had my first, I wanted everything new. New baby swing, new crib, new onsies, new stroller … I wanted everything clean and untouched before my precious progeny touched it (and destroyed it). Don’t. Do. It. If anyone offers you used baby stuff, take it. Just get some Lysol wipes and wipe it all down like its got ebola because you know, kids do drool into every crevice. But take it, clean it and don’t fret if the outfit has a pale yellow stain of unknown origin. If you’d bought the item new, your own baby would’ve put that stain there himself on the first wear. My second boy inherited clothes from 3 or 4 older boys and I’m still not sure I’ve ever bought him a new outfit. He’s almost 3. In fact, as an aside – if you’re like me, you think the baby/kids need lots of clothes but they end up wearing the same 3 or 4 things all the time, straight out of the laundry basket. So save your money for something you need a lot more than well-dressed kids. Like wine.

3. Don’t give away your baby stuff until you’re sure – and I mean – SURE you’re not having another one. My older son was still an only child when he was 4. We were so sure we were one and done that we gave everything away. No onsies in sight, no high chair, no baby toys. We were lucky we’d kept the crib just because it matched the rest of Asher’s bedroom furniture. And then one day, I held a friend’s newborn and my uterus started to whine. My husband held her too. That night we started talking about having just one more, ya know, so we could enjoy it this time without being afraid we were going to kill it at every turn with our appalling inexperienced parenting. I call it The Fair Principle. You go to the Fair, you see the pretty lights on the midway, the children smiling as they nibble cotton candy. Then you ride the ferris wheel, get sick to your stomach and suddenly notice that all of humanity is gnawing on a chicken stick and throwing their trash at your feet – and you vow to never ever ever go to the Fair again. But the Fair only comes around once a year, and that’s just enough time to forget how nasty it is and remember nothing but the pretty pretty magical midway lights. “Aww, let’s go to the Fair NOW.” And that’s what happened to me. We went to “the fair” again right away.

So make sure you’re not just sure but SURE SURE about being done before you start giving that stuff away. I’m far from the only person who’s been impregnated by a ferris wheel. Or something like that.

I will say that now I’m SURE SURE about no more kids. I know this for 2 reasons: 1) our family feels complete and 2) my OBGYN actually allows me to use “oldness” as my birth control method.

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photos depositphotos.com by warrengoldstean & andreka photo.