The day has finally come for me to say goodbye to my breast pump.
We’ve had a long and complicated 8-month relationship.
I know what you’re thinking. 8 months? 8 months is not a relationship, it’s a fling.
Well, my dear, you couldn’t be more wrong.
My pump and I have had a relationship that’s much more INTENSE than most others.
Even after a mere month together, it seemed like decades.
My relationship with my pump is different from your relationship with your pump, you see.
We got together in a very spontaneous way.
Neither one of us was looking for anything serious.
My “other man” and his feeding tube.
I had my eye on someone else — someone who just wasn’t quite ready for a relationship.
So in the meantime, my pump and I cozied up, just, ya know, on the side.
I was admittedly just biding my time, waiting for this other person to want to settle down.
But my pump was ravenous. I mean, it never had enough.
At one point, we were hanging out every 3 hours around the clock.
I was literally setting my alarm clock to wake up and spend 20 minutes with my pump.
I wake up for no one.
But there I was.
Sitting there like a junkie, going back and back and back, completely out of control, wanting more, needing a tug.
After a while, we just fell into a rhythm, my pump and I.
I wanted to break it off but I just couldn’t.
As time went on, I did manage to see my pump less frequently but even on my best days, I had to hit that at least twice a day.
Admittedly, our relationship has had its ups and downs.
Sometimes I was really grateful that my pump was there for me when no one else was.
That it was willing to take from me things that no one else would.
But then I’d get mad again and tell it off. Stop sucking all the energy out of my life, stop taking all my valuable time, get out of my life – you make me feel so used.
There were so many times I told my pump I wasn’t doing it anymore. The frustration, the moods were just getting to me, making me feel like I was crazy.
Even while I was sneaking away from my kids and from company to spend a few minutes in the bedroom alone with my pump, I knew it couldn’t last.
So after 8 long months, today is the day that my relationship goes up in flames.
I’ve realized that the other person I was waiting for just can’t commit to me the way I want him to, and I have to stop using you, dear breast pump, as a replacement.
The time has come for us to part.
Thank you for your support.
But get the hell out.
I am on the verge of getting back together with my beast pump and I am dreading it already.
I’m warning you! You’re gonna feel WAAAAY too tied down by that MF!
Thanks so much for stopping by, Miss Shorts. ; )
LOVE THIS! I have what I would call a toxic relationship with my pump. We’d been going steady up until recently, but the breakup is imminent. Down to three times a day now! Woohoo! As an exclusive pumper, I can relate to everything in this post. Pumping is awful and takes over your life, but it’s kind of addictive in a weird and twisted way. I just can’t wait to be done with it and to never have to clean and assemble those stupid supplies ever again.
I’ve found the break up to be both liberating and terribly, terribly painful. It’s been over a week and I think about going back every single day, just for a little fix. Oh, it hurts! I did, however, do one smart thing. I put all the painful reminders away immediately on the day I quit. And I don’t miss those things AT ALL.
Thank you for reading and commenting. I can’t wait to check out Stroller Parking. Love the name!
Just wanted to say I’m so there with you! My twins are 8mo now and my pump and are have been together since the day they were born. (I’m an exclusive pumper too) We’re getting ready to break up which is giving me some mommy guilt – but I so “get” the whole: it’s kind of addictive in a weird and twisted way. Hearing other mommas feeling the same way makes me feel normal – so thank you! Here’s to me kicking my pump and the guilt to the curb within the next month.
I felt guilty too. It’s kinda hard not to when everyone is constantly telling you how good breast milk is for your baby (babies) with that LOOK that says you’re not quite a good enough mom if you don’t give them breast milk. But I’ll tell you what, now that I’ve committed and stopped, it is awesome and I don’t miss it AT ALL! I did it for 8 months and with it being pumping exclusively, I’m pretty sure I qualify for sainthood now. Clearly, so do you!
Bahahahaha! My experience was nothing like yours, but I was ready to kick that whole breastfeeding thing to the curb myself. I was relieved when it was over with, especially since my child had taken to biting me at least once a day for 4-6 weeks before we stopped. She and I were traveling alone to see my parents when she was 10 months and as BFing was my only tool to calm her, I wanted to wait until we got home to wean her to ensure the flight there and back was manageable. She took to formula immediately, so the weaning process took 2 weeks, if that . . . and I spent the next 2 weeks with cabbage in my bra to help with engorgement. It was SO sexy.
I read about cabbage and if I’d had some, I woulda used it. I called my doctor to ask if there was a pill to dry my milk up because I was in so much effing pain. Ya know what he said? Suck it up. Thanks, doc.
Never did the pump myself. Thank god. (I had issues) but loved hearing about your tawdry experience. Also, loved the hairdo on the kid. And your beautiful fireplace. And built ins. Damn you.
If it’s any consolation, the fireplace doesn’t work. ; )
“…had to hit that at least twice a day.” Awesome! I loved and hated my pump, but I certainly don’t miss it!
There are a lot of things I miss once they’ve been gone for a while but not that stupid breast pump. Once I severed our relationship, I never looked back!