Modern medical science has proven that it’s actually a good thing for babies and kids to get sick. Being exposed to germs from “others” helps their little bodies build the immunity they’ll need to get through life without becoming a victim to every germ they ever come into contact with.
The #1 doctor-sanctioned way to do this is socializing your children. Don’t keep them locked up at home, they say. Let them out there where they’ll be exposed to the real world and all the nasty, snotty, germy children in it.
I agree. But I don’t think the medical field is going far enough. I have a few more suggestions for building your kids’ immunity up so that they are impervious to outside influences by the time they’re 3.
My 1-year-old and I are working very intently on our 3-step plan for the broadest possible immunity-building.
Just this morning, he sampled dog poop — a move that is sure to give him power immunity against any contact he has in the future with all the people who only pretend to wash their hands after going to the bathroom. And don’t kid yourself, there are a LOT of them. I’m looking at you, Chef.
I’ll admit, It wasn’t exactly my idea. We have a 17-year-old dog who has completely lost control of his facilities and without my knowing it, he’d dropped a load on our entryway rug. (In my defense, it’s a very busy rug.)
While I was in the kitchen putting the baby’s bottle in the sink, he crawled into the hallway and found the poop. As I turned and saw what was happening, everything around me went into Bionic-Woman, pulsing slow-motion mode. I have no memory of anything except throwing myself across the room and fishing the turd off his tongue before he could actually mash it between his gums.
Keep in mind that actually eating the poop is unnecessary. Like most homeopathic remedies, poop is best ingested sublingually.
I will give some props to the dog for being so proactive about the health of a baby who will be here long after he (the ancient dog) is gone. It’s surprising really, since what is possibly the oldest dog still kicking is just generally an asshole about being required to even breathe anymore.
Another method we use around our house involves repurposing dead insects. You could certainly use live ones but I find that the dead ones have had time to harden into a nice crunch that baby finds appealing, and also to gather a few more germs while they age like a fine wine just under the bookshelf.
Luckily for me, baby is much better at finding these bugs than I am. It requires no effort at all. I simply put him down to play and then do something simple like go to the bathroom or put away the dirty diaper I’ve just changed, and by the time I’m back, voila! He’s already working the immunity-building dead fly between his gums. It happens so fast, you may sometimes miss the entire thing. Just look for the telltale signs of small brown bits around baby’s mouth and then congratulate yourself. Well done, mama!
The third tried-and-true method we use in our family is to teach your baby to be a licker. This way he gets immunity-building germs almost everywhere he goes, all the time — exposing himself to the widest possible variety. Our philosophy? Give a baby a dirty pacifier, he’ll get his germs for a day. Teach a baby to lick random surfaces in doctors offices, schools and grocery stores, he’ll get his germs for a lifetime.
And there you have it. Might I suggest you pin this article for easy reference in the future? Even if you don’t have kids yet, you will surely need these advanced immunity-building measures at some point in the future.
And a sense of humor. Definitely don’t forget the sense of humor.
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Totally cringing on the dog poop. Sorry, but I am the least germaphobic, but the dog poop got me!!
Sprinkles has a thing for dirt and dead lady bugs… and the bottom of shoes. I am sure that, by the time she turns 3, they will be able to find the cure for cancer in her blood stream….
Gross, gross, gross!
My 7 year old was snuggling with me this morning while I nursed the baby, and she started licking my shoulder. I just about lost it. But your post makes me see the licking in a whole new light.
My nephew did the same thing with their geriatric dog. He’s a strapping 16 year old state wrestling champ. Hey, maybe it was the dog poop?
I always let my kids suck on dirty used cigarette butts in airport ashtrays and chew on gum from the underside of tables at Denny’s.
What did our grandparents say- it puts hair on your chest or something?
“Repurposing dead insects” was my favorite line, I think. Hard to top those photos, though…who knew a dog in a diaper could be that funny? I did a slow-motion, “NOOOO!” yesterday when my 17 month old spilled her snack out of the spill-proof (my ass) snack cup on the floor of the public restroom. I was too late. I mean, I kept her immunity needs in mind and knowingly encouraged her to ingest the befouled Cheerios.
My nephew once reached into his nappy and then put his fingers in his mouth!!! My aunty used to eat worms in the garden. And just today my LO picked up a peice of coal and tasted it! I have never moved so fast in life! x
We have two cats at home…of course they use a litter box. Then walk all around the house including jumping on the changing table and our bed with what my husband likes to call “poo paws” I am sure my child has been exposed to every cat disease there is…and the ones he isn’t getting from them I’m sure daycare has that covered. Swapping spit with all the other babies each day.
What about cat food?? I’m sure they’ve ate outta it after licking their hoohas or taking a shit. Sooo, we’re not bad parents since our lil gremlin has a thing for both bowls. Is it a bonus if one our cats has a thing for having dingle berries all up on her ass?? Some days I don’t know if I’m picking up pellets from the kid or the cat. Just kidding….it’s not THAT bad.
An aunt of mine, by marriage, was a bit of a fanatic with her first two (she was out the blocks rather rapidly with #2). She designed things so she was working way too hard and no one could tell her to ease off a bit. Well she got to a point where she was bordering on a breakdown when she was at the doctors for some minor ailment. There, she asked when she should stop sterilizing everything and got the answer. When she found the kid with his fathers shoe in his mouth.
Oh, the aunt is from NY.
Years ago, I was changing a diaper with a hard turd in it. Unbeknownst to me, it fell out of the diaper and was laying on the carpet. I saw my 8 month old crawling toward it with out stretched hand and it was like slow motion for me to jump over toys to get to it. Nothing like poop. 🙁
It’s so great that you and your toddler work as a team toward a common goal 😉 What are your thoughts on standing water at a public park? Great place for blowing bubbles, I always say.
Eww, I don’t think I’m holistic enough to tolerate the dog poop thing, but the bugs have the added benefit of extra protein. My oldest used to chew on furniture when he was cutting his teeth. Our coffee and end tables still have little worn patches on the corners. I think all of the chemicals in the varnish must have done him some good – don’t you?
My kids are constantly touching EVERYTHING and then putting their hands in their mouths. Coupled with licking things like sink basins and they’ve built up quite an immunity. I’m convinced it’s the reason they don’t get devastatingly sick now. Still, it’s disgusting. We were at the zoo once, signing up for membership, and I turned around to look at my son who was chewing something that looked like gum. I asked him what it was and he opened his mouth to show me a rubber band. That he’d picked up from the floor. Of the ZOO.
LMAO! We didn’t have a dog, but we had 4 horses. Little man LOVED to find the healthy piles and roll around in it. Happy, happy! WTG, supermom! 🙂
Its gross, but would you suggest ‘letting’ them find poop?
I think that might be taking immunity-building a BIT too far, m’dear.