Friday night, I did something I haven’t done in more than a decade.
No, not THAT.
I had REAL SOUR CREAM.
Just as I was about to take that first bite, a wave of guilt washed over me. Why would I waste all those extra fat grams on real sour cream when the low-fat stuff tastes just as good? Then I took that bite. Oh. My. God.
I’ve been lying to myself for so long, I actually believed my lie! No freaking way does low-fat sour cream taste anywhere near as good as real sour cream. It was so good, I wanted to slather a layer over my entire plate and just lick it off like a dog.
It got me thinking about all the other lies we tell ourselves, and since I’m such an authority – here are the official unofficial Top 20 Lies Women Tell Themselves.
1. Low fat sour cream is as good as the real thing.
2. Wearing black makes me look thinner.
3. Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies are healthy.
4. There are no calories in wine.
5. Educational TV shows don’t count as TV time for the kids.
6. My jeans shrunk in the dryer.
7. The View is a valid news show.
8. I can’t lose weight no matter what I do.
9. I saved money by buying new shoes on sale.
10. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
11. Calories consumed while standing don’t count.
12. Salads are a satisfying meal.
13. I could still do the splits if I wanted to.
14. This muffin-top is the baby’s fault.
15. Bigger boobs would totally balance out my hips.
16. I’m wearing yoga pants because I’m gonna workout this afternoon.
17. If you add a vegetable to your pizza, it’s the perfect food.
18. Eating chocolate is good for my heart.
19. Ponytails are chic.
20. Shopping is a great way to deal with stress.
If you’re a chronic self-liar like me, 20 is just a start. So tell me more lies women tell themselves in the comments below.
Sidenote: note how many of the above have to do with food? Clearly a problem for me. I started using myfitnesspal app yesterday and yeah, having to input every bite of food definitely showed me where I was lying to myself – and it was everywhere all day long.
Enjoy Lies Women Tell Themselves? Try out Lies Men Tell Themselves – then follow along on Facebook where I lie to myself all day long. But not to you. Never YOU!
Like T&T on facebook.
I think I need to join a liars anonymous club seeing as I have used all of these at least ten times – opps – I meant once.
My favorite is jeans in the dryer….a very close tie with educational tv doesn’t count as time….and Curious George is in that category right!?!
Soooooo thankful you came over from Four Plus an Angel and that I can now read your fabulous blog! You make my day on a regular basis! Thank you!!!!!
And you made mine today!!! And Curious George is TOTALLY educational!
That 10 more minutes of sleep will really matter.
That I am eating more carbs because it’s winter. In the summer I will totally eat better because it hot.
YES! Especially the winter/summer eating. “I’ll eat so many salads in the summer, this pot-roast weight will just fall off.” HA!
I’ve convinced myself that all calories consumed while I have a hang-over are null and void.
Hmmmm…so Krystal Chiks DO have calories in them????
Calories eaten while drunk don’t count.
Obvs!
Wine counts as a serving of fruit. Yes?
100% yes. And I hear it’s best to have at least 4 servings a day!
But…but…but…my jeans really DO shrink in the dryer! And oatmeal has fiber so I’ll just poop out all the calories, right?
Do yo mean Pizza with veggies is not the perfect food and chocolate is not good for us?!! Well, now I’m really bummed I come her for a laugh not to be dropped into a deep depression! Lol!!
Chocolate is kind of good for us, just probably not in the amount I eat! There’s my problem.
I tell myself the one about the oatmeal cookies every single day!
Don’t you wish a bowl of oatmeal tasted like an oatmeal cookie?
OH the lies we tell! I loved your post. Made my day. I’ll be back for more!
YAY! I LOVE telling lies. I mean, writing about other people telling lies.
Wait – ponytails are not chic??? All these years… and the dryer didn’t shrink my jeans??? And my muffin top isn’t due to my last child??? I guess I too have been lying to myself all these years. Great article. I am laughing at all the stuff that I have actually heard myself say.
SOME ponytails ARE chic. Just not the ones I make. That one’s a lie.
If I forget to put on deodorant, nobody can tell.
Yes…you can only smell yourself because you’re in such close proximity. No one else can tell. AT ALL. ; )
When I was pregnant with my twins I switched back to real ice cream-not the slow churned half the fat crap I was eating. Turns out the half fat ice cream is CRAP!
Yep. I’ve decided I’d rather have half the serving and all the taste. Now if I could only stick to that once I deposit that spoonful of ice cream in my mouth.
I’ll just spend ten minutes on Pinterest.
I really don’t NEED chocolate. I can live without it.
Tomorrow I’ll get out of bed when the alarm clock rings.
Those are totally top 25 material. Especially the Pinterest one. A relatively new contender, but a strong one!
Hilarious! Yup, guilty-guilt-guilty of telling myself and others so many of these mis-truths. Loved the one about the jeans in the dryer {one of my personal favorites}. Well done-bravo-great list! Thanks for sharing.
I’ve been telling myself the jeans one since I was about 12 years old. So that one is TRUE not matter what anyone says.
You mean those things aren’t true?!? Ha – for a few years I had myself convinced I didn’t like french fries. Like the sour cream thing, I think buying into the lie was the only thing that kept me from diving into a tub of them and never coming out. Of course, I was a lot thinner back then. 😉
You’re an even better self-liar than me. French fries are the food of the GODS!
I’m DYING!!! You are hilarious and i feel like i should print these all out and frame them.
Thank you! But I wouldn’t. Better to just go on as is. Less exhausting.
Yes, yes, yes!!! But I really will actually do some of those Pinterest projects. That’s why it’s okay to spend so much time pinning. Really. I promise. Scout’s honor. Okay, okay. I’m a big fat liar. Don’t tell.
Happily stopping by from Honest Voices! =)
I am laughing out loud right now. Numbers 4 and 5 (and, hell, who am I kidding, No. 6, too) hit a little too close to home 😉 Great list – and soooo true.
I must be brain fried because I can’t come up with anything else clever that isn’t already on the list. Oh and never ever skimp on your sour cream. Have you used it as a dip for Doritos? I blame the orange residue left in the carton on the kids because I’m a firm believer in # 10 on your list.
I’m sticking with Chocolate is good for you, it releases endorphins in your brain and makes you happy. Ask anyone’s significant other whether or not chocolate is good for you while their loved one is PMSing!