We gave our 3yo son (now 4yo) an awesome little camera for Christmas. It was one of the few gifts he was excited about. To be honest, he’s just not a toy person – at least not our toys. He’d rather be getting into something he’s not supposed to be getting into – messing with his 8yo brother’s stuff (particularly breaking his complicated lego structures apart), pulling scissors or glue or matches or something else dangerous out of a drawer with a child protective lock on it that he can pick in a second, climbing things, peeling crayons, drawing on the wall, stripping and dancing around the house singing “naked boy, naked boy…”
You’re probably starting to form an image of this child in your mind but just in case, here is what he looks like. He’s the little one. Kind of angelic. But look at the eyes. You see that devilish gleam, right?
He’s cute. And charming. But naughty. That’s why Gabe and I always say once he hits the teen years, we’re bound to be picking him up from the principal’s office (or jail) on the regular.
It’s been a while since he got the camera and we haven’t really looked at the pictures he’s been taking. We weren’t even sure he’d been using it, to be honest. Most of his gifts are still sitting in a big pile in his room untouched. But for some reason, one recent weekend both boys wanted to take their cameras with them on an excursion to the grocery store with my husband (the 8yo got this one for his birthday and it is awesome – it even takes underwater pics). Anyway…
They got into the car, the boys in the backseat. Meyer turned his camera on, both boys leaned in to look and immediately dissolved into that kind of laughter that makes you think they’re going to pee their pants any second.
You know if the kids aren’t bothering you, fighting, or calling your name over and over, you let it be – but this laughter went on so long and was so clearly about something naughty, Gabe asked to see the camera.
Within seconds, he was back in the house, holding the camera out to me saying, “Look what your son did.”
I scrolled through the pictures he’d taken.
There was nothing but ass.
Straight up bare naked ass.
Picture after picture of extreme close ups of his own bare naked ass.
Thank God the kids weren’t in the room because we lost it. It was the kind of uncomfortable laughter that’s underscored by the knowledge that you are in for something really bad. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon enough. And probably repeatedly.
After a few close-ups of his round little buns – and just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, Gabe hit “next” on the camera and there was yet another closeup of his butt but this time, he was actually spreading his cheeks. That’s when it became clear that he’d had an assistant photographer (and that’s what you get when you have 2 boys). I got the douche chills.
The next photo was another with his spread cheeks and in this one there was a finger poised just above his butthole. I don’t know whose finger that was. I don’t want to know whose finger that was. I’m just going to assume that finger was pointing and not about to do something that only a proctologist or a parent should have to do.
For obvious reasons, I can’t share any of my little budding porn photographer’s self-portraits with you. So I did these amateur drawings for you.
If you have boys like I do, best of luck to you. And know that I think the benefits of giving a camera to your 3 year old are mostly for your own hilarity and to encourage their own creativity. But PLEASE make sure to censor their photos before you let them go showing them around to friends and family. We’ve had great luck with the older one and his awesome Nikon so I’m going with 8 years old + camera = good. 4 year old + camera = spread ass-cheek shots.
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