A friend recently mentioned that her daughter had started to say the P word and that made me remember this little gem so I thought I’d reshare. And just for your own reference, ignoring it did eventually work. But it took a while. Read on.
I’ve always known the day would come when my kid started to talk, in a loud voice, about the things he observed around him, whether appropriate or not. When you have a kid, you know it’s coming eventually and you cringe thinking about it, even when all he or she can say is goo-goo and ga-ga.
I remember a make-up lady in a department store, many years ago, relayng a story to me and a friend about being in the bathroom checking her make-up in the mirror when a little boy of about 4 and his mom came out of a stall. The little boy looked at her and loudly pronounced, “Mommy, she’s UGLY!”
It gives me douche-chills just thinking about it.
I’ve never forgotten that story, and knowing Asher as I do, with his, ummm, “spirit,” I’ve been expecting to get shamed for quite a while. There was the time he was running around saying “Silly Jew” all the time.
About a week ago, Asher and Gabe were at the park and a little person walked by. Without warning and clearly within earshot, Asher said, “Daddy, he’s LITTLE!!”
My husband, who thinks on his feet far better than I, went straight into a speech about how we’re all different and it’s all wonderful. Whereas I would’ve just pretended I didn’t know the kid.
Yesterday, as I was picking Asher up from summer camp, an attractive lady with one leg was coming down the driveway on crutches. As soon as I saw her, the douche-chills started. I sensed in the deepest, most horrified part of me that Asher was going to stop, stare and then say something about her one leg in a stage voice for all to hear.
I did the only thing I could think of. I pointed in the opposite direction and screamed, “Asher, LOOK!”
At nothing.
But it worked. The lady passed on by with no comment while Ash stared, puzzled, at a tree in the distance.
However, just ahead of us, one of Asher’s little girl friends HAD noticed, turned around, mouth agape, and said, “Mommy, she has ONE LEG!” The mom’s eyes met mine and I know, even though she was laughing in an embarrassed, what-ya-gonna-do? way, she was experiencing the DCs clear up to her navel. My only thought was, better you than me.
But the latest and easily most embarrassing thing Asher has started saying is a completely, terribly, mortifyingly inappropriate word. So inappropriate that I can’t even chastise him when he says it because I know that would only make him say it more.
I rented Puss In Boots for him last week and as soon as he heard it, he fell IN LOVE with the P word. That night, I heard him playing with some figurines in the back room and muttering the P word every now and then.
And there was that dilemma. Do I tell him not to say the word again? If I do, I have to tell him what it means.
Nononononononono. Not yet.
And I also run the risk of him deciding he needs to say it even more often and even more loudly if I tell him it’s forbidden. Because that’s the way 4-year-olds work. And this child comes from rebellious stock.
So I cringed. And stifled an uncomfortable giggle. And left it alone.
About a week later we were at a friend’s pool and as he was navigating himself past a little fountain, Asher announced to some female strangers that “That water almost got on my P hair.”
He’s not saying “P,” mind you. He’s saying the whole word. With a “y.”
Thank my lucky stars that Gabe was with him and not me. He shrugged, apologized and said something about the kid’s enunciation.
A couple days later, I heard Asher in the playroom again, playing with his Spiderman house. He had Spiderman in one hand and the Green Goblin in the other, and from his mouth to one of theirs, I swear to God, he said, “Get your P out, get your P out.” I had to leave the room because I was shaking trying to hold the laughter in.
Not a reaction you want your kid to see if you want him to decrease a behavior.
Gabe was bathing him a night or two later, and Asher scooped up a little bath water in a cup and sipped it. He looked at Gabe and said, “I like to drink the P water.”
With as straight a face as he could muster, Gabe backed out of the bathroom, came into the kitchen and told me what he’d said.
We were completely doubled over with laughter. And mortification.
We still haven’t said anything to him. There’s a fine line to walk as a parent.
I keep hoping, if I ignore it, and don’t make a big deal about it, the word will just disappear. But so far, the P word doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
I’m trying to prepare myself for when he says , “Get your P out,” to his teacher at school or to his grandma. But really, is there any way to prepare for that? Maybe I’ll ask Gabe to help me get something ready.
Otherwise, I’m likely to break into an impromptu tap dance or something.
Inappropriateness runs in the family.
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Find a new movie for him to watch and maybe he will start saying “Spongbob” or Scooby-doo..good luck!
Oh dang, I’m crying LOL!!! Whacha gonna do…. ROTFLMAO!!! Spiderman IS a P!!!
Get out P!!! LOL! Oh crap…. 😀
Yeah, I’da laughed my ass off too, pre-kids. Now, of course, it’s MY kid throwing the P word all over town.
I have a story that might not make you feel better. My oldest (7) was in the habit, a year ago, of calling her little brother (3) a “little poosay boy.” It’s supposed to be a made-up term of endearment. I got the DCs (love that) but ignored it. And it went away. Until this week.
Word to the P.
I just got a sympathy DC for ya.
when our son was 3 he LOVED percy from thomas the train. except he said ‘poosy’ instead of percy. he loved wearing his thomas underwear = yelling ‘look at my poosy!’ for show & tell at presch ool every week, he would beg to take his percy train car and i was able to persuade him to bring something else, until, one day when i just gave in. his teachers never said anything after that day but i can only imagine what he sounded like showing everyone his ‘percy’.
LOL. This reminds me of a story. When I was around 10, I was trying to get my dad to do something with me at a friend’s house (his and my mom’s friend’s). I was yelling to him from across a very large, echo-y room, and he was refusing. I recall yelling, “Come on! Don’t be a pussy!” I immediately froze. Everyone in the room froze. Uh-oh. That was not what I meant. I knew I was looking for a P word that meant wuss, but that didn’t sound like the one I was looking for…that was a bad word, I knew right away. But WTF was the word I wanted?! It took me a minute. “Pansy!! I meant pansy, Dad!” Oops.
I still laugh about it. Not sure if he does.
My stepson used to say “Polly want a pecker” ALL.THE.TIME. instead of “”Polly want a cracker”. I tried to ignore until I just couldn’t take if anymore, lol.
My two year old recently became obsessed with frogs, only he can’t say his fr sound or his g sound. He replaces the fr with just f and replaces the g sound with the ck sound. When he screamed, “I wanna fock” in Walmart, I almost died.
I remember when I was little – probably 7 or 8 – my little sister called me a slut at the dinner table. Needless to say, neither she nor I had any idea what that word meant, but my parents reacted immediately. “What did you say! Don’t you EVER call your sister that again!” We both burst into tears, because we were terrified and had no idea what was going on. I basically didn’t use any other slang or curse words until after my first year of college. So that’s one way to do it…
For some reason my daughter started saying, “I’ve got a PENIS!!!” really loudly. And my reaction would be to laugh hysterically. It is my trigger response to anything horribly embarrassing or inappropriate. Like the time we went to my parent’s house to cheer up my dad who had just gone through his first round of chemo and my daughter projectile vomited all over my husband….I just stood there laughing. And I’m not talking about a little laughing…I am talking laughing so hard I can’t talk or otherwise do anything. And I can’t stop. I just keep laughing. B/c projectile vomit and chemo is so funny.
So I’m laughing hysterically and trying to ignore my daughter yelling that she has a penis while my husband is standing there looking at me, completely dumbstruck because I am a behavior specialist and KNOW BETTER. At work, if you threw a “I have a PENIS!” at me I would remain straight faced and walk on by. But at home, from my 3 year old daughter….hysterical laughter.
I commend you for being able to do it at work. I laugh at my kids because I can’t help it but if a stranger yelled “I have a penis” at me, I would LOSE it and probably roll on the floor for half and hour and maybe pee myself. Thank you for sharing. Yes, I’m still chuckling.
This situation sounds like something out of my worst nightmares. My daughter is only 6 months old and I am completely unprepared for the horrifying “kids say the darndest things” phase. I think my reaction will probably be more along the lines of walking away red-faced and apologizing the offended party.
Get ready. It’s gonna happen! (Go ahead and prepare your tap dance now) ; )