Lalaloopsy Diaper Surprise

Now this a product worth pooping on. Lalaloopsy Diaper Surprise.  Yes, that’s right – this baby is better than yours.  This one shits jewelry.

Need proof?  Watch the commercial.

Did you hear what I heard?

“Lalaloopsy Diaper Surprise. Stars and Hearts and Flowers.”

Here are some surprising things I’ve found in my boys’ diapers:

-an acorn
-a lego
-an entire unprocessed blueberry
-a smell strong enough to make me throw up

You know what I’ve never found in my kids’ diapers? That’s right. Stars. Hearts. Flowers.

Not a single thing to make jewelry with.

This doll is disturbing — and I’m not that easily disturbed.

Here’s what I hear when I listen to this jingle:

Hey little girls. Here’s what happens when you have a baby. It shits gems and you can make jewelry with it and totally sell that crap on Etsy. Drop the hell out of high school! Your baby’s ass will make it rain!

I used to work in advertising and when I see something like this, all I can think about is – how the hell did this product make it all the way through every level needed to get to selling and promoting it? It HAD to be the boss’s idea.

“How about a baby that poops out half the contents of Hobby Lobby? The crafters will eat it up!”

“Yeah, great idea, BOSS,” someone else says and then looks at the other person in the room like:

No one in the entire company was going to tell the CEO he’s had a bad idea. It’s like telling your friend you think her husband is cheating on her. You’re the one who’s getting screwed.

And so it gets all the way through design, research and development and manufacturing and all that jazz with everybody high-fiving the boss and then giving each other that look behind his back.

But most of all, I love picturing the ad agency creative team in the conference room bouncing around ideas for this ad.

“What would Don Draper do?” the intern says pensively.

And the others are like, “I tell you what Don Draper would do.  Don Draper would say, ‘What’s a diaper?’ and then go boink his secretary.”

Times have changed. But one thing’s for sure. They’re still selling us a load of shit.