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I am known far and wide for my professional parenting advice. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, I couldn’t keep a straight face even over the internet on that one. What I’m actually known for, if anything, is finding the humor in this crazy, imperfect, chaotic, relentless job called parenting. And so here for you is a collection of what some might call Unprofessional Parenting Advice but I just call life with kids.
My boys act like rabid animals on crack whenever I’m around but somehow when their father is in charge, they go off and play by themselves quietly. At first I thought he was drugging them but after almost 8 years of watching this phenomenon play out, I’m sure that they really do just behave better for him. Daddy’s Parenting Wisdom gives you my husband’s (LOL) advice about how to make the kids behave as well for you as they do for him.
I’m a chronic list maker. In fact, I’m sick enough to go back and add something to my list that I’ve already done just so I can mark through it. Needless to say, being a sane mother and wanting to stay productive were not goals that went well together for me. Until I figured out the ingenious trick of how to be more productive as a stay at home mom.
Is there anything more frustrating than potty training? ANYTHING? It’s like trying to crack an impossible code, except with your hands submerged in urine and feces the whole time. If you’ve ever considered that tempting 3 day potty training method, I urge you to read my son’s perspective on it. He thought it was pure shit. So did I.
MY kids will never scream or throw food in restaurants. MY kids will not run around with dirty faces. I mean, geesh, lady – just wipe his face. How hard is it? And other stupid stuff I said before I actually had kids. This popular post is all about the things I thought I’d never let my kids do in public (that I totally do).
Do you ever feel like Halloween is a snoozefest today compared to back when we were kids? Everyone’s so uptight about everything these days – it just sucks the fun out of everything. Read this and this Fall, you’ll be prepared to give your kids a 1980s Halloween.
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before (only 1387 times) but I’m from a family of all girls and now I’m a boy mom and I. Am. Confused. I’m constantly amazed at what different creatures they are from girls and I just don’t understand why they do the things they do. One thing they don’t do? Figure anything out for themselves. Here are 20 things my boys would never figure out without me. At least they don’t need to figure out how to be cute.
This is one of my rare serious posts. My oldest boy is 7 and for a year or so, he’s been refusing to come into the ladies’ room with me when we’re out and about. I’m not always comfortable with him going alone into the men’s room and there’s not always a family restroom available. Here’s the solution I came up with for this dilemma. Little Boy in the Mens Room. This Mom’s Dilemma
One of the most important things about having boys is keeping them chained in your basement so they don’t start dating and eventually marry someone and move away and you lose them forever. Right? Well, ideally. But since I don’t have a basement, I guess I’d better try another strategy. Here’s my funny and inspirational post about 26 things I’m doing now to make sure my future daughter in law loves me. If you have a son, I promise you’ll love this post.
Did I mention that I have boys? One of the things that’s awesome about having boys is that the clothes are so basic. Also one of the things that’s awful about having boys is that the clothes are so basic. Wanna see what happens when a boy mom wanders into the little girls’ department by “accident?” I capture the 5 stages of grief rather perfectly, I think.
If you still haven’t had enough of my unprofessional parenting advice, here are a few more LOL moments for you.
La La Loopsy Diaper Surprise Wow! A brand new career option for your daughters. Jewelry from poop.
17 “Facts” About Johnny Appleseed My kindergartner schooled me on Johnny Appleseed. And guess what? He’s dead.
And an awesome one to share with the girls in your life: Don’t Vajazzle Your Vagiggle Jaggle and 20 Other Things I Wish I’d Known When I Was 20.
If you enjoy unprofessional parenting advice (and laughing) then stay around. Subscribe to get my new posts in your inbox and follow along on my Facebook page where we hang out and talk about everything from kids to husband to drinking wine and more every single day.
If you like these hilarious stories of parenting, you will LOVE “I still Just Want to Pee Alone” the follow-up to the New York Times Best Selling Book “I Just Want to Pee Alone”. Myself along with other funny moms share our stories from the trenches of parenthood. You can order a copy HERE.
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